I am bipolar. That means I can be very sad for no reason, or out of control happy for no reason. I am on medication for this and as a general rule it works well. Unfortunately, because I also have an anxiety disorder and PTSD my medication is a real balancing act. If you change one little thing everything can go haywire.
I started to realize yesterday that I was sliding into mania, the really happy and out of control part of myself. What each person experiences as mania can differ. For me it is super happy and see how much I can spend and still eat. Yesterday I spent a lot of money on arts and crafts. Which today I realized was more of a problem that I had thought.
Here’s why: over the last few weeks I have found myself trying to do everything! I had already been taking a class on drawing. Then I added learning the ocarina. In the last 2 weeks I have bought things for creative journaling and collage. Then in the last few days I added watercolor and watercolor sketching. And lets not forget my new blog. How many hours are in a day again? And how much space does my little apartment have? Oh and creative cooking, mustn’t forget that either.
Thankfully I am now aware of what I am doing, and I have an appointment with my doctor next week. So hopefully I can get a handle on it all. I mean I really want to do all this stuff, but I need to be realistic too.
For all of you out there that are struggling, just know you are not alone. And there is no shame in getting help.